Hidden Wishes Page 2

  “Please try to keep your weakness to yourself. I don’t want to have to keep rescuing you from cheesy old guys and their harpy wives.”

  Tibby shuddered. “She was really awful, wasn’t she? I don’t know why I didn’t realize how awful she was. Not that I have much excuse, but damn.”

  “Well I’m sure you and Ger didn’t chat about the little woman at home.”

  Tibby rolled my eyes. “We didn’t really chat about anything at all.”

  “Of course you didn’t. He’s a total tool.”

  “Thank you, Bryant.”

  I made a face at her.

  “No, seriously,” Tibby continued, sounding a lot more together than I thought she was. “Thank you. I think you more than just save me from a tool. I think that old bag would have ruined me.”

  “I don’t know about that. She’s got to be used to Gerry screwing around.” Although I’d seen her go at secretaries a few times, interns were a little higher up on the ladder at the office. Not much, but even a little bit went a long way.

  “No, I think she would have gone for blood with me.”

  “I don’t know for sure, but let’s say I do so you stop fucking around with married jackasses.”

  “Deal. You know the gossip is just rolling through the party right now. You’re going to have to pretend to have a mad passion for me for a little while.” She grinned to show me that she didn’t expect it to be real.

  “I can’t tell everyone what a crap drunk you are and just be your friend?”

  “Well, sure, but you have to wait a couple of weeks to do it. That way, neither of us get any further beady eye from the dragon lady.”

  “It’ll be tough. I’ll do it, but you’re gonna owe me.” I laughed at the idea that we both thought of Mrs. Goodman as a dragon lady.

  “What do I owe you?” Now she sounded wary.

  “You have to take your bar exam with me and then open our own firm together,” I said quickly. Please, please, please don’t say no! In spite of all the challenges I’d seen from her this semester, she was still the person I felt would be fantastic. Which made no sense, because working with people who drank too much, or indulged in anything too much never worked out. But Tibby had been my first choice for some time, and nothing had changed that gut feeling.

  Not that I’d told anyone about it.

  “You’re serious?” She asked.

  “Absolutely. I’m focused on international, and you are looking at admiralty. We could form a great practice together. All we need to do is get a couple of really solid clients, and we’re in.”

  “So, what was that kiss back there? We’ve never been like that.” She changed the subject.

  That was weird. She wanted to talk about my charade when I was asking her to go into business? “It was to throw off the gorgon. No time for her man if you were busy with your own. Plus, you’re one of my best friends.” I surprised myself by saying that. Until that moment, I hadn’t thought of her that way, even though I’d known her since I’d begun law school.” I can’t let you fuck yourself over,” I added.

  “That’s all it is, though? Nothing more than that?” She didn’t sound like she had an opinion one way or the other. This was more careful than I was used to seeing from Tib.

  “Do you want it to be more?” I couldn’t keep my surprise to myself.

  “No, I don’t think so. It just took me off guard, and I wanted to make sure that we were clear and there would be no asshurtery or sore feelings tomorrow.”

  “None at all. I would have made a move before now if there were.” Oh, thank holy God and all the saints above. I was so relieved that she didn’t expect more from me.

  “Well, I didn’t think so, but I was so surprised, I had to ask.”

  I laughed. “Tib, you’re great, and good looking, and fun, but you’re not my type.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” This sounded more like the Tibby I was used to.

  “It means you have good taste in friends such as myself, but you pick shitty men to date. You also have the complication of being a girl,” I added. I didn’t look at her.

  Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. “Wait, are you officially coming out?”

  “You don’t sound shocked at all,” I said dryly.

  That had been it. That had solidified the friendship that was, until that point, only a school-based friendship. She’d gone with me to see Granddad, and we’d convinced him to back us, and help us get started opening a new practice.

  I always felt that Tibby, in combination with the idea that my dad would be furious I didn’t follow him, Casey, and Matt into trial law, was what sold my Granddad, but I never once regretted having Tibby with me.

  And then with all the things she’d told me before she and Seth got together—a djinn, and different lives, and all sorts of way-out-there stuff. I almost didn’t know whether to believe her, but Seth backed her up.

  They couldn’t both be on drugs.

  I wasn’t entirely sure, though, because it sounded too crazy. Until Xavier told me about his brush with the djinn. After he and Olivia got engaged, he, Seth, and I had gone out, and he’d told me that he had met the dude, too. And that he pissed him off, and the djinn took away his memory of the meeting. It was funny—Seth and Tibby were extremely grateful to Dhameer, the djinn in question. Olivia, who was now Xavier’s wife, was grateful as well. Only Xavier had some leftover resentment. It made me laugh. That was so Xavier. I could see why the djinn had gotten pissed and left Xavier to his own devices.

  Prior to Graham walking out of my life, I’d been happy that Tibby and Xavier were able to find their forever happy. I’d even been smug that I’d found it for myself and didn’t wish to see Dhameer. But now—I wondered this djinn had chosen my two best friends and not me. Or, more specifically, with my life in tatters, why hadn’t Dhameer the djinn shown up to help me out?

  In some ways, they had a lot fewer challenges than I did. I couldn’t even be honest about how I wanted to live my life. I’d lost the love of my life to that lack of honesty. And I had obviously been premature in my smugness.

  But in other ways, Tib and X had a truckload of challenge that I would never understand. So maybe they needed the help of a djinn.

  I thought about what they’d told me about their wishes. If I could have a wish, it would be for my family to accept me. All of me, just as I was. With Graham, married and building a life together.

  I tried to see my brothers being cool with it. They’d been borderline about the fact that I was different most of my life. They were always joking with me about one thing or another, but that kind of joking that left a mark.

  My dad? He still held a grudge that I didn’t go into the same field of practice. More specifically, his practice. My mom would probably be okay and spend a lot of time soothing the hurt feelings of my male relatives.

  Like they were children, or something. I rolled my eyes at the thought.

  Granddad was the only one who I thought suspected but didn’t care.

  “Hello? Earth to Bry?” Tibby was waving a hand in my direction.

  “Sorry, I got sidetracked.” Her words dragged me from the past and my own sad musings.

  “I can see that,” she said, her tone dry. “What is it, Bryant? You’re like a little kid who has hidden a toad somewhere on your person, and you’re not supposed to have it. Additionally, you’re dying to spring the thing on people. Until you do, though, you can’t sit still. It’s fidget, fidget, fidget with you.”

  I grinned. Although my toad wasn’t a surprise, and it wasn’t something I was excited about. I had the sinking feeling that the only way I’d get out of this, and get the toad out of my pocket, was to be honest, and in that, Tib was right. I couldn’t sit still, thinking about it. I hated it when she was right. Tibby was spot on in her analysis. Not that I’d admit it.

  Ever.

  “I don’t know. My two best friends are leaving me to go somewhere I can’t,” I said, not wanting
to try to make something up. With Tib, I could be honest about where I was. Just because this wasn’t totally honest…

  Tibby’s face fell. “I’m not leaving you. Neither is X.”

  I shrugged. “But there are two more people. And I don’t mind!” I held up my hands. “It’s just hard to be the fifth in all that.”

  Tibby looked hard at me. “Are you wallowing?”

  It was great to have a friend who I could speak shorthand with. Even if I was skirting the real deal.

  “Kinda. You know, the gay best friend thing.” I needed to tell her about Graham. I couldn’t get the words out.

  “Your mom wants grandkids again? Doesn’t she get enough with Casey’s two monsters?”

  Her comment shifted things in an unexpected direction. She’d met my nephew and niece. They were pretty wild. Casey and Melissa, his wife, thought they were ‘cute’.

  Everyone else tended to tie things down around the kids.

  “Apparently, there are never enough. Matt and Pricilla are expecting, too.”

  “You just got a nine-month reprieve, guy.”

  “Yeah, but you know I’m never bringing some nice girl home to Mom.”

  It was Tibby’s turn to laugh. “I hate that your mom had the wrong idea about us for so long. I mean, I hate that she was disappointed. I like her even if she’s a little old-fashioned.”

  “She was rooting for you,” I grinned at her. “My dad told me to get an ironclad prenup.”

  Her mouth fell open. “Are you shitting me? The nerve of him!”

  “Well, he was worried you’d take me to the cleaners.”

  “He’s not wrong,” Tibby smirked.

  “Whatever,” I drawled, waving a hand at her. “You’ve never seen the day.”

  “Who is the partner who does the negotiating?” Her eyebrows went sky high.

  “Who goes to court and doesn’t piss off judges?” I raised one of mine at her.

  “Shut up,” she said after a moment, and we both laughed.

  “Okay, seriously,” she continued. “You have to tell them at some point. You’re almost thirty. The granny clock is going to be ticking even more loudly when that switch is flipped, and you’re going to find that nothing will be a good answer other than the truth.”

  “Since work is obviously not going to get done, sure, let’s talk about my personal life.”

  “That’s why best friends work together,” Tibby said with a hint of smugness in her tone. “We look like we’re working. Besides, there’s nothing do or die on our to-do lists.”

  “So you say.”

  “Hey, unless a tanker runs into something it shouldn’t, I’d say we’re okay for the next twenty-four hours,” Tibby said. “Let’s get back to this whole coming out thing. It’s not like all your friends don’t know. And I really don’t know how your family didn’t clue in when you three were at a club that catered to the gay community,” she finished.

  I shrugged. “They chalked it up to us drinking too much and generally blamed X.”

  “Yeah, I can see where that would be a natural assumption for him.”

  “And you’re right. They are pretty preoccupied with the grandkids.” I laced my fingers together. “I don’t even want to hear it,” I looked out the window, “But I am having a shit day.”

  “Why?”

  “Graham and I…” I stopped, looking at the wall behind her head, steadying myself. “We had a fight:”

  “About what?”

  I shrugged. I wasn’t ready to tell her. I felt so small, ashamed. That he would leave me; that he would accept and then reject a proposal in the space of ten minutes. I hadn’t proposed to anyone else, and didn’t have a lot of experience in this department, but I didn’t think this was normal.

  Something was very off. I didn’t want to think that it was me. But what else could it be? Why couldn’t I just say it?

  Tibby looked at me intently, hands on her hips. Then she left the room. But in a few moments, she returned carrying two glasses and a bottle. She shut the door behind her, and then set the bottle and glasses down on my desk, and poured us both a shot of her private whiskey stash.

  She handed a glass to me. “Drink.”

  I took it and threw the entire thing back. The whiskey burned my throat, and I could feel it go down into my stomach. It was way too early for this, but I was so glad she’d done it.

  “I’m tired, Tib.”

  “Of what?” She had her arms crossed, the whiskey glass in one hand, and she perched on my desk.

  “Of… I don’t know. Not feeling as though I can talk to anyone,” I finished lamely. “You’re the only person who knows the real me.”

  One eyebrow went upward. “There’s a reason for that.”

  “Oh, come on. No one else has ever taken the time to know me. No one has bothered.”

  “Have you let them in?”

  I hated when she got all work-like on me.

  “Did you know that my brothers each dated the entire varsity cheerleading squad in high school?”

  “So?”

  I could tell that she didn’t get the connection. “So I was expected to do the same. They had no idea. And while it’s not high school anymore, I’m still expected to be trying to date the cheerleading squad.”

  “Who wants to date cheerleaders, anyway?” Her nose wrinkled. “Can I do anything to help you in this? Have you talked to him today? Should we invite him out to dinner?”

  For a moment I stared at her. Invite who out to dinner?

  Then it hit me. She was talking about Graham. She didn’t know that he’d left. That it was over. Because I couldn’t be honest.

  “No, although I wish I could dump this on you. But I have to handle it myself. How in the hell that’s going to happen is still a mystery. Enough of my whining. Let’s get through this and go meet Seth for dinner.”

  “Gee, thanks for the invite,” Tibby said.

  “You’re welcome. Quit slacking and get back to work!”

  “You just don’t want to talk about your current romantic quagmire.”

  “You can’t leave it alone, can you? There’s nothing to talk about,” I said.

  She flipped me the bird as she left. I threw a pencil as she rounded the door.

  “Lame,” I heard her sing as she went into her own office.

  It felt good to get this off my chest, but it did nothing to advance my problems.

  Maybe it was time to ask Granddad out for dinner as well.

  3

  I sat with my grandfather, waiting on Tibby and Seth. I knew they wouldn’t mind me inviting him—we all enjoyed being together. Tibby told me Granddad felt like he was hers, too.

  “So how’s business?” Granddad asked.

  “It’s good,” I said, taking my mind off my personal shit. “We’re going to have to hire another paralegal.”

  “You know, I wasn’t sure this was a good choice, when you two came to me,” He leaned back in his chair, looking across the restaurant. “But somehow, you have made this a big success. And it’s been a good return on my investment!” He winked. “That Tibby, she’s a terror. Met one of my friends from another firm that dealt with her recently. Said she nearly made the associate they sent in piss himself.”

  We both laughed.

  “Yeah, she’s good at the intimidation side of things.”

  “You’re no slacker yourself. I’ve seen you in court.”

  “You have?” I was surprised. “I’ve never seen you there.”

  Granddad cut his eyes at me. “Seen all my grandsons. What kind of grandfather do you think I am?” He rolled his eyes, then continued. “I know your dad was disappointed—”

  He ignored my snort. ‘Disappointed’ was putting it mildly. I was supposed to be the last part of his legacy, and part of the triumvirate that would take over his empire. My brothers had already obliged with his ideas for their careers, and he didn’t see why I thought I was better than that.

  “But you are good at
what you do. Calm, quiet, and no one can outdo you in the facts. I’ve seen them try.”

  I smiled, trying not to look smug. “I’ve never lost when we’ve had to go to court.”

  “I know. So far, you’re the only Higgs who can say that.”

  “It’s good to see that someone else besides me knows that, Granddad.”

  Something in my tone must have alerted him. He looked over, and his expression was serious. “I know your dad doesn’t understand a lot of why you do what you do. But he loves you. He just…”

  I sighed. “He’s just who he is. Yeah, I know, Granddad. I’m a little tired of having to always make allowances for it. I’d like to be who I am and not have to—”

  The beginning of what could have been a tirade, or the complete truth, was cut off by the appearance of Tibby and Seth.

  Which was probably a good thing. When it came right down to it did I really want to get into it, even with Granddad? My completely honest self said no, I was afraid to tell even him. What if he rejected me?

  A part of me was tired, really tired, of being afraid all the time. But if I wanted things to be different, I’d have to fix them.

  It didn’t feel like I had the bandwidth for that at the moment.

  After dinner, I headed home. The townhouse was dark, and it felt cold, even though it wasn’t.

  I knew why it felt that way. It was because Graham was gone.

  It had been four years since he’d come into my life, and without warning, with no transition—he was gone.

  He wasn’t coming back. My mind went back to last night. When the door had closed behind him as he left our home—I’d closed a door on everything that had happened. But for whatever reason, tonight the door was kicked open, and I couldn’t close it again.

  I’d have to go through it. I’d hoped to avoid this for a few more days, but no such luck. I closed my eyes, and bracing for the pain I’d avoided last night, thought through all that happened.

  Not only was it my birthday, but I’d asked him to marry me. All day, I’d thought about how I was going to do it, and how excited I was to hear him say yes. He accepted, and for ten minutes, I’d been happier than I’d ever been in my life.