Dragon Lost Read online

  “Taking chances is dangerous. I’ve built a good life,” I said. Maybe this was a sign that all that we’d been planning for would actually happen? I hoped so.

  “All I’m saying is you should be open to what’s coming.” She smiled at Margrite. “No matter how foreign.”

  “This third card,” she pointed at the card below the first two, “The High Priestess, indicates that in your past, there is a… well, for lack of a better word. A mentor. But since he—or she—has been your mentor, it brings you to where you are now. I think maybe it’s a mentor that was supposed to be? But wasn’t? I don’t know, but that seems what this is saying.” She tapped her lips, thinking.

  “A mentor? What the hell is that?” I asked.

  “Someone who helps and guides you,” Nala said.

  “Kind of like the dad you mentioned in the first card? The dad who wasn’t there?” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm from my words. “This is an imaginary person, too. Unless you’re saying that the person fell down on the job. Because they did.”

  “That could be,” Nala said.

  She didn’t seem bothered by my attitude.

  “You should have a mentor, according to this. But I’m not sure you did—”

  “I didn’t,” I interjected.

  “And he—or she—has contributed to where you are now. Either by involvement, or lack thereof. But it shaped you, helped to make you who you are.”

  “Definitely lacking,” I muttered.

  “Moving on,” Margrite said.

  I didn’t know when she’d done it, but Margrite had pulled out a notebook out of her bag and was taking notes, even drawing the pattern the cards were laid out in.

  “You’re taking notes?”

  She nodded. “Yes. I like to be able to remember what was said.”

  “This one, the fourth card, this is Strength. Think of this as your more recent past, the past that has shaped you. You’re very strong. I think you’ve had to be, haven’t you?” She looked up.

  “If you’re not, you’re dead,” I said. I didn’t know why I felt compelled to keep bringing this up, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  Margrite nodded next to me. You learned that early on.

  “It shows. It makes you who you are. But it also tells us that we have to be unafraid to be who we are. Trust yourself, Aodan. In spite of your past, you can trust yourself, and trust yourself to be open to who you are. Part of Strength is being able to accept the new, or things that are outside our norms.”

  “The fifth card, this one,” Nala touched the card above the crossed pair, “this is what’s happening in the short-term. Think a couple of months. Like, don’t make major, year-long plans based on this. It’s more immediate.”

  “This would be the more pressing issues?” I asked.

  “Something like that,” Nala smiled. “You’re pretty calm. This is the Devil. People who don’t know tarot may find this alarming, but it’s not. In the next couple of months, you’re going to find that you have things that have structured your life, and while you have felt them necessary, they have become chains. Chains that may be holding you back. The Devil is telling you that you need to look within, to see if those things you’ve been committed to are in fact dragging you down. Most of all, don’t be afraid to step way, way out of your comfort zone. Remember, you’re the Emperor, and you like routine, habits, and structure. The Devil asks that you look outside of that, and see the positive, even though you may not have seen the positive in doing so before. It can also mean freedom of your sexual self, and I feel like I need to mention that.” She smiled. “I don’t see anything specific, but the Devil is also there to free us to be who we are intimately.”

  I flushed. I didn’t have time for girls. Life was all consuming as it was. Margrite stirred next to me as she made notes.

  “The sixth card,” Nala didn’t press the sex issue, thankfully. “The sixth card,” she repeated. “You can say this is the present state of things. Based on this,” she pointed at the second card, “Is saying your current status is. Now this is interesting. This is Justice, and what it means for you, basically, is that things are right. They are where they are supposed to be. Things are happening as they should. Even as your situation is indicated by the Death card, what is coming from that is supposed to be. I also feel that when you see Justice, it’s because any wrongs are going to be righted. They may not happen as planned, or expected, but it happens. Justice likes the balance of right. If there is a wrong in all of this, Justice says that it will be righted, and balance will be restored. Achieving that, however,” she looked up at me, “Isn’t always easy. Right and balance often require work and sacrifice so that is something to be mindful of.”

  Nala sat back, sighing. “This feels like a really big thing, Aodan. I don’t know why, but sometimes when I read, I get a hint that this isn’t just an ordinary reading.”

  “What makes an ordinary or not-so-ordinary reading?” This was mystifying to me. The whole thing lived in mumbo-jumbo land, to me.

  “There’s not really a good way to describe this, but I have that feeling. The feeling that this is important in your life, to you. For you. I’m glad that Margrite is making notes. I’d love to hear if any of this plays out.”

  “Doesn’t that kind of set the stage for me looking for validation?”

  “No. Most people forget their reading. You may, or may not,” she shrugged. “But I wanted to mention this to you. We’re almost done, so let’s move on. The seventh card,” her fingers brushed the card at the bottom of the row on my far left, “is the Moon. This indicates the outside influences. It’s the things that are happening to you, for you, against you, and around you. You can’t control them, so don’t try. The trick with the seventh card is to see when it’s influencing the situation, and work around it, or with it, whatever it takes to move you forward in your concerns. The Moon represents things in the shadow, things that are hidden. I don’t know if they will be revealed, but there are secrets. Here’s the thing with the Moon—there can be an illusion in what is hidden, and it can be hard to see the truth. So, in this, pay attention to your instincts, and don’t let your fears win—and you will find what is real and true.” She leaned forward. “This is important, Aodan. Fear is powerful with regard to secrets. Don’t let fear be the driver of the bus with this.”

  “What the hell does that mean?” I spent a lot of time afraid. There was always fear. Fear made you strong because it made you prepare for what could happen. And how to survive it. I generally felt good about my ability to survive but I wasn’t stupid enough to let my guard down.

  “It means don’t let fear be what leads you. Take fear into account, but don’t allow it to overrule everything else. Now the eighth card, this is also interesting. Your whole spread is interesting. I realize it comes with challenges for you, but I can say this as the reader,” Nala smiled, and her dimples flashed at me.

  “This card, the eighth card, is the Hanged Man. This card represents your internal influences. Given who you are, as represented by the Emperor, this is a challenge within you. If you are not careful, you will be working against yourself. The Hanged Man means that you must surrender yourself. You are successful in the life you have chosen, and I believe you will be so in the next chapters of your life—but the Hanged Man is telling you that you must let go, allow yourself to let things go as they will. There may be sacrifice involved—”

  “What, like a goat?” I asked.

  “No, stupid, not a goat,” Margrite sounded exasperated. “Like in your thought process, or one of your precious habits, or things like that. When have you ever even seen a goat?”

  Nala laughed. “If you don’t have regular habits of being around goats, I doubt that a goat sacrifice will be called for. No, this is very much in line with the other things in your reading. You must see the new aspects that are entering your life and be open to them. Be willing.”

  I shook my head. This didn’t make sense. But I could see that I would
n’t get things that did make sense, so I let her move on. Her words making no sense was part of the woo woo.

  “The ninth card represents your hopes. What do you want? What do you dream of?”

  “I can tell you that,” I said.

  Margrite hit my leg. “Stop it.”

  “It’s all right, Margrite. I don’t take any offence to his skepticism. I just want to hear, later, if these things came true. Or not. Margrite will keep you honest,” Nala said with a laugh. “So. The ninth card. It’s the Magician. You want to be in charge of your own life. In spite of all this, all these things that stem from your being the Emperor, you still fear the influence of others on your life. It’s interesting—I think you have come to who you are because of this—but when you begin to see all the changes to your path, this will be your hope. That you, and you alone—not your past, or the outside influences, or even your own fears—will choose what is next for you. It will be new,” she added. “Don’t let the fact that it’s a new thing for you allow you to ignore it. And it also represents creativity and resourcefulness. I think it means that you must embrace your own creativity to help you get what it is you hope for.”

  Her words shook me. More than anything she’d said. Because in this, she was right. I felt very much at the mercy of various aspects of life. My only choice was to react. I didn’t have the luxury of anything else.

  “Any ideas on when this will happen, with all these new things coming at me?” I asked.

  “Well, let’s look at the tenth card. This card is a statement of all the things that we’ve seen so far. It represents them all, in a way. I’d say a time period of up to the next year?” She looked up. “Over the next year, this is what will happen—if you take heed of the things we’ve talked about here, and work towards what it is you want. It’s the Judgement card. And what this means, Aodan, is that with all these new things, you will have to make a choice. You will have to choose whether or not you’re going to live in this new way, this new path, that has opened up for you, or not. There will come a time when you must make that choice. You can get what you want, this whole new life, a new perspective—but you must accept the challenges that come with the new, and rise to the call. If you do, you will find success.”

  The only sound I heard was Margrite scribbling into her notebook.

  7

  Neither of us spoke as we walked away from the shop. I couldn’t take it anymore. Too many things were running around in my brain like hamsters on crack.

  “You believe any of that shit?”

  “Do you?” Margrite was quick to shoot back at me.

  “I… I don’t know. Seems like a lot of vague stuff that can be applied to most people.”

  “No. I think a lot of it was totally you. Your schedule, your rules, your habits? So you, Aodan. And secrets? I mean, really? Can we say dragon? There’s totally a secret there!” She hit me in the arm for emphasis. “How about how you chose the Dragon deck? And that weird voice?”

  “Keep your voice down,” I hissed. “No one else knows that!”

  “Well, what if that’s the mentor? The High Priestess? And that sure as shit goes along with secrets!”

  “Okay, you’re making some sense. But I’m reserving the right to question it.”

  “She said if you go along with your instinct, and you embrace the new things coming, you will get what you want, and you will have a positive outcome. That’s all well and good,” she added, “But it makes me think there’s a heck of a bumpy road ahead.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “I don’t know—the way Nala told you about it, the way she said this was important, that her gut told her this was big—and most things that are worth it aren’t easy? Since when has anything we’ve ever done been easy? I mean, the shit that was worth it?”

  “See what I mean? This shit can apply to anything!” I threw up my hands. “I can’t believe you made me pay forty bucks for that! That’s like a lot of burgers,” I poked my finger at her to make my point.

  “She gave us a discount.”

  “That’s a discount?” I couldn’t believe it.

  “Yep. She loves me, so I get the friends and family discount.”

  “You’ve never told me about this.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t have to tell you everything.”

  “We don’t tell each other everything?” I was astounded.

  “Do you tell me everything?” Margrite didn’t look at me.

  “Yes! What the hell would I keep a secret from you?”

  “Whatever you wanted.”

  “What else aren’t you telling me?”

  “My innermost thoughts and what I’d put in a diary entry, if I had one,” she said.

  I stared as she marched forward. She was offended. I could tell. Margrite wasn’t one of those people who hid her emotions—well, not from me. But I had no idea why. I did tell her everything. It didn’t occur to me to not tell her things.

  “Are we good?” I asked. I wasn’t sure what else to say, honestly. I didn’t want to go further down this path.

  “Yeah, we’re fine.”

  She sounded like herself again.

  “Okay, let’s go home and go through the place, and make sure we’re not forgetting anything.”

  Three hours later, I could hear my stomach grumble as I thought about food. A late lunch, of an early dinner. We’d stripped the place bare. While I was thinking about where we could go, I heard people outside our building. I stilled from instinct.

  I whistled softly. Margrite’s head popped out around a door frame from the room where she was.

  “People,” I whispered. Twice in twenty-four hours? This wasn’t good. It didn’t matter what or who it was—this wasn’t good.

  She nodded and her head disappeared. As the voices came closer, I carefully crept to an apartment that was next to ours. We’d made holes where we could see out. We never opened the windows up for sunlight or anything else in our rooms—and I wasn’t about to start now, even though we were almost out of here.

  I could see a small group of people—it was one, two, three, four, five—from what I could see, men. Great. They had the look of thugs, but it wasn’t Caleb’s thugs, so that was something.

  As they studied the building, their conversation got quieter. That wasn’t good.

  I don’t know how long they stood there. It felt like forever. But they all took one last look at the building, and I could see that the expressions on the faces of two of them hardened.

  “Fire,” I heard one of them say. “That’ll solve it.”

  Shit.

  They left, and as I watched, they got into an older model Cadillac and spun tires as they sped away.

  “Douchebags,” I muttered, getting up. Why was it this kind of guy always had to spin tires? And fire? Really? Like the beating of our poor building earlier today wasn’t enough. It was either going to collapse or be burned down.

  I headed back for our apartment. “They’re gone,” I said as I came in the door.

  “Who were they?” Margrite joined me in the main room.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know. But I heard them mention fire, so it’s a good thing we’re out of here. You all done?”

  She nodded. “I am. Like I said, my backpack is fat as hell, but I have all the things I want.”

  “Me, too. Let’s get out of here. I don’t like whatever it was that just happened.”

  Margrite didn’t answer, just went and gathered her bag. Whatever had happened between us after we left the tarot reading seemed like it was gone. Or maybe she just hid it from me. I didn’t like that feeling, either.

  Everything that I thought was solid wasn’t. My home, my best friend—what else was going to happen?

  I ignored my feelings of unease as I got my bag, and we turned out the lights, and headed down to the first floor where I’d hidden the bike. I wheeled it out of the building, looking around as I did so. Everything seemed quiet.

  “Did those g
uys really do all that?” Margrite gestured to the damaged wall

  It looked bad. Really bad. It pissed me off all over again. I forced myself to try and calm down. I needed to stay calm and get through this. We were almost gone. I loved our old place, but it wouldn’t be home ever again.

  “I don’t know. I guess so,” I said. “One more reason to leave.”

  “We’ve been here a long time. It stands to reason that it might not be safe anymore. Nothing lasts forever, Aodan.”

  She was right, but that didn’t mean I liked it. Nor did I want to admit it right this minute. We’d worked so hard to carve out a little piece of safety, of a home.

  I got on and started it. Margrite sat behind me. I took one last look at the building that had been the only home I’d ever known, and then I started the bike, and drove away.

  We stopped at a restaurant outside of the area we normally stayed in. Neither of us said anything, but I knew that Margrite wasn’t any happier with the thugs showing up than I was. It was better to get the hell out of the neighborhood. It bothered me that I didn’t have any idea of who had come prowling around, or planned to set fire to our building. It really bothered me that there were two different sets of people.

  “You ready?” I asked her. We’d talked about this for so long that it almost didn’t feel real.

  She nodded, her mouth full of—what else—a burger. “Yes,” she said finally. “We should have left before now. But we stayed. And now, I’m tired of always looking over my shoulder.”

  “Yeah. Who do you think they were?”

  “Who have you pissed off lately?”

  “How can you be sure it was me?” Her question annoyed me.

  Margrite gave me one of her rare smiles. She looked like a different person when she smiled like that. “Because in spite of my legendary anti-social personality, I don’t discriminate. I’m unfriendly with everyone, and they know it’s not them. It’s totally me. With you, you take shit personally. And you don’t hide it. So, it makes more sense that you’ve pissed someone off.”